A Heart Breakthrough

This is from a friend: on what God did in her heart in 2010: her big lessons. And what God might do in her heart in 2011. It's good stuff.

"I'm writing to you in particular today because you were the women God had close to me last year... Since I do not believe in accidents, I believe there was good purpose and the Lord's special plan for us to be together last year. 2010 was QUITE a year for me. LOTS of loss, lots of change, lots of letting go ---- and can I just say those are 3 things I have never been good at and have used a lot of energy to resist most of my life.

I remember saying something at one of our times together like I felt my life was kind of like one of those empty billboards you see that says "watch this space" or "advertise here". I don't think the billboard's new message is totally clear yet, though something big has changed in my heart and I think it's a good thing to share with you.

As you know -- I'm a thinker and it takes me a while to process things to my satisfaction, so what I share today may be revised later :) ... and I'm still very much a work in progress.

I don't really know how to put in words how GRATEFUL I am for the heartbreaking year I had last year. God is so absolutely beyond what my teeny brain can get and so much more fabulous than what my itty bitty heart can hold. I do get some things though! All of the "loss" I experienced last year (job, Mom, friends, control, income, security, comfort) was so worth it and so hugely heart changing.

I feel like a much "lighter" person for having let go of some things. And really, I didn't have a choice about the things leaving or ending or changing --- those things were going to happen anyway. But, I did have an ENORMOUS choice about how I let those changes affect me. I think somewhere along the line last year I finally got it that the changes were for my GOOD and not for my harm or hurt. There were lots of days that those changes did not FEEL good (you probably all observed some of those and had to listen to my whining). I went through plenty of mad, hurt, confused, sad, unsure days. I KNEW in my brain all along that God was at work and that He'd do something good .... but the change came when I really really really had it in my heart that ALL of HIS PLANS for my life are for my good and for HIS purpose. I sort of had to get over myself and realize that the comfort zone I had going in my life for so long, in so many areas, was getting shaken and I could either try to fight the inevitable discomfort or I could hold onto God and let Him take the pain for me.

I can't tell you exactly when that happened -- probably over time --- but it really did happen. My heart is different. My expectations of others, myself and God are different. My perspective on change is different. I'm kind of liking it ... and, of course, I have a ways to go ...

I KNOW this is true for sure ... God's not done with me, but He is at work; and I want, more than ever, to be about Him. I KNOW this also -- the things and people and comfort zones that I have let go of have made more room in my heart for new, fresh, exciting things to happen in my heart and life. I think the Holy Spirit came in and did a roto rooter major clog removal in my life. I'm learning too that a huge side benefit to letting go is that I have a new level of joy and peace. It's really nice to not feel as if I need to be in control of so many things ...

I'm CONVINCED that the benefits of accepting the changes in 2010 are setting me up for a wonderful 2011 and beyond. 2010 was a life changing year in many ways. My priorities are different and that changes everything.

Am I glad 2010 is over? YUP! It was hard --- but it was so so worth it. I am excited to see what God has in store for me in 2011 --- really excited!!!! I can feel a new posture in my heart and life with open hands -- open to let things in my life go and open to receive whatever HE has for me.

My verse for 2010 But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, That I may tell of all His works. I think it will be a lifetime verse. :)


2011 revelation --- hot off the presses. The lesson continues! In 2010 I was forced to "let go" of really BIG and IMPORTANT things and people in my life. This year I need to let go of a whole bunch of stuff. It hit me yesterday afternoon that one of the real reasons I am a "keeper" of stuff is from a root of fear ... we didn't have much growing up and I just really got it yesterday that part of my reason for having too much is that a part of me remembers not having much. THere's always the "what if" question ... So, the Lord and I have begun a conversation about if I really DO trust Him as my provider or if I have been doing a lot of my own providing. I kind of know the answer. The adventure will be in applying whatever He shows me. I don't think the unsettling of 2010 is completely over, but I am resettling into a new place with God and it's a really good new place.

It feels like yesterday was the beginning of something really good --- I'm so glad to be in the Potter's hands. He is so patient, so gentle, so good, so unchanging, so persistent and so WORTH IT. I can tell there is something different in my heart already -- an excitement and willingness to let go of stuff --- and I KNOW there is freedom and joy on the other side. (still, I'll need prayer to break old patterns of thought and behavior) please do pray :)

Bottom line and motto: HIS WAY IS BETTER!!!!"